Having friends and family reach out to offer their love and support is probably the only good thing about going through these tough times. And no matter how they supported us—whether it was checking-in texts or dropping off meals or helping us wrangle our kids—it helped. But if you’re the friend who wants to support someone, it can be challenging (but incredibly important) to figure out how to do that. “I think people become unsure about how to help a friend through an illness because of the fear and uncertainty that come along with learning someone you care for is living with an illness,” says Raydale Soman, LCSW, a senior psychotherapist at Tate Psychotherapy in New York City who specializes in helping people through chronic illness. “When you have a chronic illness, having good support from others is crucial. A strong social support network can have a positive impact on treatment adherence and healing.” So if you have a loved one who’s dealing with an illness or injury right now, don’t be afraid to reach out and offer your support. If you’re at a loss for how to help, check out this advice to help you find the most effective ways to show you care and help your friend make it through the toughest times. Your best bet? Think of how the recovery will impact their life, and then offer something specific: “I’d love to drive your kids to all their activities this week,” “Let me come over and take care of your laundry for you,” or “I’d love to drop off a few books you might enjoy while you’re recuperating.” They’re more likely to take you up on the offer. If you’re a communicator by nature, grab the contact info for everyone who needs to be in the loop, or post updates on social media and tag the patient so you can keep everyone in their lives up to date. “Show interest and support in their journey by doing your own research on their diagnosis,” Soman says. “You can do a Google search on the condition and try and read through some articles on what it is like to live with the condition. This will show your loved one that you care and want to be informed on how their life is being impacted—and it will also save them time from having to repeat important aspects of the condition.” If you’re setting it up or participating, make sure you get detailed information about the family’s food preferences, allergies, and limitations, so you can make sure they enjoy every bite. (And don’t forget to keep an eye on what everyone around you is dropping off, so you can avoid serving them lasagna five days in a row.) Checking in to see if anything’s off limits will help ensure your generosity won’t go to waste. Consider texting a simple “Thinking of you” or “Hope you’re feeling better,” rather than a “How are you doing?” which may put pressure on them to respond back. That’s what happened when I was caring for my husband, who required middle-of-the-night IV infusions and couldn’t walk, while I also juggled our home and family obligations and full-time work. I’ll never forget when one of my dearest friends texted to offer to bring over a couple of meals—and how just that kind gesture (and her amazing vegetable soup) gave me the boost I needed to get me through the rest of my husband’s recovery.
